Friday Funnies . . . for us oldies, along with a bit of nostalgia

But first, a little sage advice –

I grew up in the 60s, and if we even looked like we were getting a cold, Mum would rub Vicks on our chests. Still love the smell.

and we didn’t have mathematics . . . it was just called arithmetic.

We didn’t have mobile phones, so our parents never knew where we were until it was time for dinner. Then, if we weren’t home, they would just go outside and yell. I would go out riding my horse and not come home until dark. When I was eight, I would ride my bike over the other side of town, crossing the highway, and mow my grandmother’s lawns. By the time I was ten, I could make dinner for the family, and bake cookies and cakes.

What do you remember about your childhood that most children now miss out on?

Friday funny . . .

With thanks, as always, to my good friend Grumps.

Photo by Gustavo Fring on Pexels.com

WALKING THE DOG  

 A WOMAN was flying from  Melbourne to Brisbane ..

Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sydney along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.  

Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was Blind. The man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye Dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.

He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the Pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, ‘Kathy, we are in  Sydney for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?’

The blind lady replied, ‘No thanks, but maybe Max would Like to stretch his legs.’

Picture this: 

All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even🕶wearing sunglasses. 
People scattered.

They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!


True story… Have a great day and remember…

 
 …THINGS AREN’T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR‼️ 
A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A DAY WASTED!!!

Slough House by Mick Herron

EXCERPT: The study remained like a showroom in a vacant property – books, chairs, curtains; the shelf with its odd collection of trophies: a glass globe, a hunk of concrete, a lump of metal that had been a Luger; the desk with its sheet of blotting paper, like something out of Dickens, and the letter opener, which was an actual stiletto, and had once belonged to Beria – and if David Cartwright had left secrets in his wake they’d be somewhere in that room, on those shelves, among a billion other words. River didn’t know if he really believed that, but he knew for sure that he didn’t know he didn’t, and if River thought that way others might too, and act upon the possibility. Spook secrets were dangerous to friends and foes alike, and the old man had made plenty of both down the years. He could see one of either breed breaking a lock, finessing a window; could see them working round the study, looking for clues. If that was happening, River needed to stop it. Any trail his dead grandfather had left, no one was going to follow but him.

ABOUT ‘SLOUGH HOUSE’: Slough House – the crumbling office building to which failed spies, the ‘slow horses’, are banished – has been wiped from secret service records.

Reeling from recent losses in their ranks, the slow horses are worried they’ve been pushed further into the cold, and fatal accidents keep happening.

With a new populist movement taking a grip on London’s streets, the aftermath of a blunder by the Russian secret service that left a British citizen dead, and the old order ensuring that everything’s for sale to the highest bidder, the world’s an uncomfortable place for those deemed surplus to requirements. The wise move would be to find a safe place and wait for the troubles to pass.

But the slow horses aren’t famed for making wise decisions.

MY THOUGHTS: I have never read Mick Herron previously, although I had heard a lot of great things about his writing, and they are all true. I am not known for enjoying spy thrillers, but Slough House is not your traditional spy thriller. Its characters are misfits, those who have failed in some way, who the hierarchy would prefer to forget even exist. Slough House could best be described as a halfway house, but the question would be, halfway to where?

There is a lot of dialogue in Slough House, which I usually don’t like, but Herron’s wonderful one-liners had me almost hysterical at times. His dialogue is also clever in other ways. He has used reasonably recent events as a background for the plot in Slough House, although it was completed prior to the advent of Covid, so there’s no reference to social distancing or the pandemic.

Slough House is #7 in the series, so I had no knowledge of any of the characters going into this book, something I intend to remedy. I became quite fond of this bunch of misfits who, although they outwardly show disdain and contempt for one another, have an underlying and undeniable deep loyalty. I need to know how they got to where they are, what has shaped, or misshapen them. They are a fascinating bunch for whom I feel great affection, and therefore I am going to start this series from the beginning. In fact, I am going to read everything this author has written.

Herron writes with wicked imagery, sardonic wit and black humour, which I love. I rank him right up there with Adrian McKinty and Ken Bruen.

⭐⭐⭐⭐.5

#SloughHouse #NetGalley

I: @johnmurrays

T: @johnmurrays

#contemporaryfiction #crime #humour #spythriller

THE AUTHOR: Mick Herron was born in Newcastle and has a degree in English from Balliol College, Oxford. He is the author of seven books in the Slough House series as well as a mystery series set in Oxford featuring Sarah Tucker and/or P.I. Zoë Boehm. He now lives in Oxford and works in London.

DISCLOSURE: Thank you to John Murray Press via Netgalley for providing a digital ARC of Slough House by Mick Herron for review. All opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own personal opinions.

For an explanation of my rating system please refer to my Goodreads.com profile page or the about page on sandysbookaday.wordpress.com

This review and others are also published on Twitter, Amazon, Instagram and my webpage

Friday Funnies . . .

Courtesy, as always of my Aussie mate, Grumps.

A Sign in a shoe repair store

We will heel you  
We will save your sole  
We will even dye for you. 
 

In a Podiatrist’s office:    
“Time wounds all heels.”  
 

On a Septic Tank Truck: 
Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels 
 

At an Optometrist’s Office:  
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for,  
You’ve come to the right place.”  
 

On a Plumber’s truck :  
“We repair what your husband fixed.” 
 

On another Plumber’s truck: 
“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.” 
 

At a Tyre Shop in Milwaukee:  
“Invite us to your next blowout.” 
 

On an Electrician’s truck:  
“Let us remove your shorts.”; 
 

In a Non-smoking Area:  
“If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.”  
 

On a Maternity Room door:  
“Push. Push. Push.” 
 

At a Car Dealership: 
“The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.” 
 

Outside a Muffler Shop:  
“No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.” 
 

In a Veterinarian’s waiting room: 
“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!” 
 

At the Electric Company:  
“We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. 
However, if you don’t, YOU will be de-lighted.” 
 

In a Restaurant window:  
“Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”  
 

In the front yard of a Funeral Home: 
“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.” 
 

At a Propane Filling Station: 
“Thank Heaven for little grills.” 
 

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:  
“Best place in town to take a leak.” 
 

And the best one for last:


Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck: 
“Caution – This Truck is full of Political Promises”

Have a happy weekend!

Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old by Steven Petrow

EXCERPT: Perhaps you remember a few years ago, ‘Saturday Night Live’ spoofed the American Echo, better known as ‘Alexa’, beginning with this cautionary sentence: ‘The latest technology isn’t always easy for people of a certain age.’ Referring to a fictitious partnership between Amazon and AARP, the announcer declares that the ‘American Echo Silver’ edition is designed specifically for the Greatest Generation. It is super loud, and responds to any name remotely like Alexa, including Allegra, Odessa, Anita, Alberta, Alisha, Alessandra, Excedrin and Alopecia. I especially liked the SNL promo for the Echo Silver’s handy-dandy feature that helps old people find things.

‘Amelia, where did I put the phone?’
‘The phone is in your right hand.’

Alexa also provides the latest in sports:

‘Clarissa, how many times did Satchel Paige strike out last night?’
‘Satchel Paige died in 1982.’
‘How many did he get?’
‘Satchel Paige died. Is dead.’

Unlike other Alexa editions, this one also provides an ‘uh-huh feature’ for long rambling stories – because you know the stereotype of old people always repeating themselves.

Simultaneously hilarious and ageist, the skit highlighted several of the ways that our parents generation struggles to master new devices, social media apps and plain old email. Sure, we laugh – but it’s not like we’re doing so well right now, either.

For instance, one friend told me about her mother’s struggles with the new TV she and her siblings had given her. ‘Mom loved the picture quality, but the remote just about did her in. We heard from neighbours that every so often, they’d get a call asking for help,’ she said. ‘We finally figured out that every time Mom accidentally hit ‘menu’, she practically had to dial 911 – she could press up and down on volume and channels, but the options on the menu were beyond her, so she’d need help getting back to a screen she recognized.’

This friend got a good laugh out of it at the time, but now reports a new found sympathy for her mom. ‘I have a new smart TV that’s definitely smarter than I am,’ she told me.

ABOUT ‘STUPID THINGS I WON’T DO WHEN I GET OLD’: Soon after his 50th birthday, Steven Petrow began assembling a list of “things I won’t do when I get old”—mostly a catalog of all the things he thought his then 70-something year old parents were doing wrong. That list, which included “You won’t have to shout at me that I’m deaf,” and “I won’t blame the family dog for my incontinence,” became the basis of this rousing collection of do’s and don’ts, wills and won’ts that is equal parts hilarious, honest, and practical.

The fact is, we don’t want to age the way previous generations did. “Old people” hoard. They bore relatives—and strangers—with tales of their aches and pains. They insist on driving long after they’ve become a danger to others (and themselves). They eat dinner at 4pm. They swear they don’t need a cane or walker (and guess what happens next). They never, ever apologize. But there is another way . . .

In Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I’m Old, Petrow candidly addresses the fears, frustrations, and stereotypes that accompany aging. He offers a blueprint for the new old age, and an understanding that aging and illness are not the same. As he writes, “I meant the list to serve as a pointed reminder—to me—to make different choices when I eventually cross the threshold to ‘old.’”

Getting older is a privilege. This essential guide reveals how to do it with grace, wisdom, humor, and hope. And without hoarding.

MY THOUGHTS: Getting older. We’re all doing it, until we stop, and Steven has written about his parents and his own journey with an easy humour and realism that had me simultaneously laughing and recognizing little bits of both myself and my husband, and our parents.

He has written a checklist of pitfalls and ways to avoid them as we reach certain milestones. He hasn’t confined himself to those amongst us who are aging healthily – he himself hasn’t, and he offers great advice tempered with experience on judging just how much people want to know, and just how much and how to tell them.

Along with the amusing anecdotes and sage advice on aging both with and without familial support, Steven takes us through the journeys to the end of some of his beloved friends, and how well, or otherwise, they handled their impending demise.

There is plenty to take away from this read. It offers a wonderful insight for children struggling to deal with the changes in their aging parents, and for those of us who have no idea how we got to the number of years we are so rapidly. I am closer to 70 than 60. Some days I feel twenty one and some days I feel ninety one. I have no idea where all those years went, and so fast! but I enjoyed them and I intend to enjoy the years left to me, without being a burden. Thanks to Steven’s lists I now have markers to recognize, and actions I can take.

A book for everyone, no matter your age.

⭐⭐⭐⭐.3

#StupidThingsIWontDoWhenIGetOld #NetGalley

I: @mrstevenpetrow @kensingtonbooks

T: @StevenPetrow @KensingtonBooks

# health #memoir #aging #practicalguide #nonfiction #life

THE AUTHOR: Steven Petrow is an award-winning journalist and book author who is best known for his Washington Post and New York Times essays on aging, health, and LGBTQ issues. He’s currently a contributing writer to The Post and The Times as well as a columnist for USA Today.

DISCLOSURE: Thank you to Kensington Books, Citadel, via Netgalley for providing both a digital ARC and an audio ARC of Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old by Steven Petrow, and narrated by Michael Butler Murray, for review. I really enjoyed the audio narration. All opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own personal opinions.

For an explanation of my rating system please refer to my Goodreads.com profile page or the about page on sandysbookaday.wordpress.com

This review and others are also published on Twitter, Amazon, Instagram and Goodreads.com