Friday Funnies . . .

Courtesy, as always of my Aussie mate, Grumps.

A Sign in a shoe repair store

We will heel you  
We will save your sole  
We will even dye for you. 
 

In a Podiatrist’s office:    
“Time wounds all heels.”  
 

On a Septic Tank Truck: 
Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels 
 

At an Optometrist’s Office:  
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for,  
You’ve come to the right place.”  
 

On a Plumber’s truck :  
“We repair what your husband fixed.” 
 

On another Plumber’s truck: 
“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.” 
 

At a Tyre Shop in Milwaukee:  
“Invite us to your next blowout.” 
 

On an Electrician’s truck:  
“Let us remove your shorts.”; 
 

In a Non-smoking Area:  
“If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.”  
 

On a Maternity Room door:  
“Push. Push. Push.” 
 

At a Car Dealership: 
“The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.” 
 

Outside a Muffler Shop:  
“No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.” 
 

In a Veterinarian’s waiting room: 
“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!” 
 

At the Electric Company:  
“We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. 
However, if you don’t, YOU will be de-lighted.” 
 

In a Restaurant window:  
“Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”  
 

In the front yard of a Funeral Home: 
“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.” 
 

At a Propane Filling Station: 
“Thank Heaven for little grills.” 
 

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:  
“Best place in town to take a leak.” 
 

And the best one for last:


Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck: 
“Caution – This Truck is full of Political Promises”

Have a happy weekend!

Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old by Steven Petrow

EXCERPT: Perhaps you remember a few years ago, ‘Saturday Night Live’ spoofed the American Echo, better known as ‘Alexa’, beginning with this cautionary sentence: ‘The latest technology isn’t always easy for people of a certain age.’ Referring to a fictitious partnership between Amazon and AARP, the announcer declares that the ‘American Echo Silver’ edition is designed specifically for the Greatest Generation. It is super loud, and responds to any name remotely like Alexa, including Allegra, Odessa, Anita, Alberta, Alisha, Alessandra, Excedrin and Alopecia. I especially liked the SNL promo for the Echo Silver’s handy-dandy feature that helps old people find things.

‘Amelia, where did I put the phone?’
‘The phone is in your right hand.’

Alexa also provides the latest in sports:

‘Clarissa, how many times did Satchel Paige strike out last night?’
‘Satchel Paige died in 1982.’
‘How many did he get?’
‘Satchel Paige died. Is dead.’

Unlike other Alexa editions, this one also provides an ‘uh-huh feature’ for long rambling stories – because you know the stereotype of old people always repeating themselves.

Simultaneously hilarious and ageist, the skit highlighted several of the ways that our parents generation struggles to master new devices, social media apps and plain old email. Sure, we laugh – but it’s not like we’re doing so well right now, either.

For instance, one friend told me about her mother’s struggles with the new TV she and her siblings had given her. ‘Mom loved the picture quality, but the remote just about did her in. We heard from neighbours that every so often, they’d get a call asking for help,’ she said. ‘We finally figured out that every time Mom accidentally hit ‘menu’, she practically had to dial 911 – she could press up and down on volume and channels, but the options on the menu were beyond her, so she’d need help getting back to a screen she recognized.’

This friend got a good laugh out of it at the time, but now reports a new found sympathy for her mom. ‘I have a new smart TV that’s definitely smarter than I am,’ she told me.

ABOUT ‘STUPID THINGS I WON’T DO WHEN I GET OLD’: Soon after his 50th birthday, Steven Petrow began assembling a list of “things I won’t do when I get old”—mostly a catalog of all the things he thought his then 70-something year old parents were doing wrong. That list, which included “You won’t have to shout at me that I’m deaf,” and “I won’t blame the family dog for my incontinence,” became the basis of this rousing collection of do’s and don’ts, wills and won’ts that is equal parts hilarious, honest, and practical.

The fact is, we don’t want to age the way previous generations did. “Old people” hoard. They bore relatives—and strangers—with tales of their aches and pains. They insist on driving long after they’ve become a danger to others (and themselves). They eat dinner at 4pm. They swear they don’t need a cane or walker (and guess what happens next). They never, ever apologize. But there is another way . . .

In Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I’m Old, Petrow candidly addresses the fears, frustrations, and stereotypes that accompany aging. He offers a blueprint for the new old age, and an understanding that aging and illness are not the same. As he writes, “I meant the list to serve as a pointed reminder—to me—to make different choices when I eventually cross the threshold to ‘old.’”

Getting older is a privilege. This essential guide reveals how to do it with grace, wisdom, humor, and hope. And without hoarding.

MY THOUGHTS: Getting older. We’re all doing it, until we stop, and Steven has written about his parents and his own journey with an easy humour and realism that had me simultaneously laughing and recognizing little bits of both myself and my husband, and our parents.

He has written a checklist of pitfalls and ways to avoid them as we reach certain milestones. He hasn’t confined himself to those amongst us who are aging healthily – he himself hasn’t, and he offers great advice tempered with experience on judging just how much people want to know, and just how much and how to tell them.

Along with the amusing anecdotes and sage advice on aging both with and without familial support, Steven takes us through the journeys to the end of some of his beloved friends, and how well, or otherwise, they handled their impending demise.

There is plenty to take away from this read. It offers a wonderful insight for children struggling to deal with the changes in their aging parents, and for those of us who have no idea how we got to the number of years we are so rapidly. I am closer to 70 than 60. Some days I feel twenty one and some days I feel ninety one. I have no idea where all those years went, and so fast! but I enjoyed them and I intend to enjoy the years left to me, without being a burden. Thanks to Steven’s lists I now have markers to recognize, and actions I can take.

A book for everyone, no matter your age.

⭐⭐⭐⭐.3

#StupidThingsIWontDoWhenIGetOld #NetGalley

I: @mrstevenpetrow @kensingtonbooks

T: @StevenPetrow @KensingtonBooks

# health #memoir #aging #practicalguide #nonfiction #life

THE AUTHOR: Steven Petrow is an award-winning journalist and book author who is best known for his Washington Post and New York Times essays on aging, health, and LGBTQ issues. He’s currently a contributing writer to The Post and The Times as well as a columnist for USA Today.

DISCLOSURE: Thank you to Kensington Books, Citadel, via Netgalley for providing both a digital ARC and an audio ARC of Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old by Steven Petrow, and narrated by Michael Butler Murray, for review. I really enjoyed the audio narration. All opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own personal opinions.

For an explanation of my rating system please refer to my Goodreads.com profile page or the about page on sandysbookaday.wordpress.com

This review and others are also published on Twitter, Amazon, Instagram and Goodreads.com

The Thursday Murder Club by Richard Osman

EXCERPT: A question had been nagging at Donna throughout lunch. ‘So, if you don’t mind me asking, I know you all live at Coopers Chase, but how did the four of you become friends?’

‘Friends?’ Elizabeth seems amused. ‘Oh, we’re not friends, dear.’

Ron is chuckling. ‘Christ, love, no, we’re not friends. Do you need a top-up, Liz?’

Elizabeth nods and Ron pours. They are on a second bottle. It is 12:15.

Ibrahim agrees. ‘I don’t think friends is the word. We wouldn’t choose to socialize, we have very different interests. I like Ron, I suppose, but he can be very difficult.’

Ron nods, ‘I’m very difficult.’

‘And Elizabeth’s manner is off-putting.’

Elizabeth nods. ‘There it is, I’m afraid. I’ve always been an acquired taste. Since school.’

‘I like Joyce, I suppose. I think we all like Joyce,’ says Ibrahim.

Ron and Elizabeth nod their agreement again.

‘Thank you, I’m sure,’ says Joyce, chasing peas around her plate. ‘Don’t you think someone should invent flat peas?’

Donna tries to clear up her confusion.

‘So if you aren’t friends, then what are you?’

Donna looks up and sees Joyce shake her head at the others, this unlikely gang. ‘Well,’ says Joyce. ‘Firstly, we are friends, of course; this lot are just a little slow catching on. And secondly, if it didn’t say on your invitation, PC De Freitas, then it was my oversight. We’re the Thursday Murder Club.’

Elizabeth is going glassy-eyed with red wine, Ron is scratching at a ‘West Ham’ tattoo on his neck, and Ibrahim is polishing an already polished cufflink.

The restaurant is filling up around them, and Donna is not the first visitor to Coopers Chase to think this wouldn’t be the worst place to live. She would kill for a glass of wine and an afternoon off.

ABOUT ‘THE THURSDAY MURDER CLUB’: Four septuagenarians with a few tricks up their sleeves
A female cop with her first big case
A brutal murder
Welcome to…
The Thursday Murder Club

In a peaceful retirement village, four unlikely friends meet weekly in the Jigsaw Room to discuss unsolved crimes; together they call themselves The Thursday Murder Club. Elizabeth, Joyce, Ibrahim and Ron might be pushing eighty but they still have a few tricks up their sleeves.

When a local developer is found dead with a mysterious photograph left next to the body, the Thursday Murder Club suddenly find themselves in the middle of their first live case. As the bodies begin to pile up, can our unorthodox but brilliant gang catch the killer, before it’s too late?

MY THOUGHTS: How do I describe The Thursday Murder Club? It is humorous, without being silly. It is charming. It is entertaining. No, more than entertaining. It’s fun. And the characters are fascinating.

Elizabeth has a mysterious past. She has travelled widely and has an extensive network of contacts in surprising places.

Ibrahim is a retired psychiatrist, and is quite meticulous and thorough.

Ron was an infamous union leader, with a renowned boxer for a son who also makes an appearance in this story.

Joyce is a retired nurse, quiet and easily overlooked, but also a quick thinker.

PC Donna De Freitas is lured to Coopers Chase retirement village under false pretences, and soon finds herself involved with the Thursday Murder Club, who have been trying to solve an old case of Penny’s, an ex-detective now in a coma in the hospital wing. But when a murder happens in the village, the Thursday Murder Club turn their attention to solving that, believing that they have resources that the police don’t.

Coopers Chase is a vibrant village. Forget any preconceived notions you may have about retirement villages and their occupants. This one is full of fun and gossip, a real community.

There are multiple deaths and murders to be solved spanning a number of years, from when the original premises was a convent through to the present day. I gave up trying to solve any of them, and just went along for the ride. There are multiple twists and surprises, along with many poignant moments. The Thursday Murder Club is both an entertaining and touching read.

I have thoroughly enjoyed this read and am so very pleased to hear that there is going to be another, The Man Who Died Twice, to be published September 2021.

⭐⭐⭐⭐.7

#TheThursdayMurderClub #misterosman #vikingbooksuk

@richardosman @VikingBooksUK

#fivestarread #crime #contemporaryfiction #humour #murdermystery

THE AUTHOR: Richard Osman is an English television presenter, producer, director and novelist.

DISCLOSURE: I read The Thursday Murder Club by Richard Osman, published by Viking Books UK, for a Goodreads.com ‘All About Books’ group read. All opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own personal opinions.

For an explanation of my rating system please refer to my Goodreads.com profile page or the about page on sandysbookaday.wordpress.com

This review and others are also published on Twitter, Instagram and Goodreads.com